So my 14 year old daughter has been after us to change the color scheme in her room. Back when she was seven, the blue and yellow walls, divided by a kitty cat boarder, was exactly what she wanted. The curtain was pink, accented with a splash of flowers that cascaded down on either end. It was a beautiful labor of love that captured the essence of my little girl, my sweetheart, my little angel.
Well folks. Times have changed. Here we are seven years later and she wears bell bottoms with holes in the knees, sometimes has a distinctive 60’s retro look to her hair, wears a homemade pull chain necklace, talks in “text-speak” (OMG, IDK, LOL), is earning her own money with summer babysitting jobs, has DEFINATE opinions about life; and is generally becoming a young woman.
Wow! When did all this change take place? She is starting to talk about what kind of car she would like. She loves Tolstoy’s collection of short-stories Walk in the Light. She is very into this political season (much to my delight), and she has decided it is time to make a change in how her room looks. No more cute little kitty-cats! No she has a color scheme all her own. When we started this discussion she was going for earth tones, but then changed to stark white with black polka-dots. I lucked out in that we didn’t get started right away and as we delayed her ideas and color schemes changed several times. Finally the paint was purchased and we are off.
So now we are in the midst of painting her room a gentle lilac. Not too bad you might say. But then there are the swooping, various colored, overlapping, different sized polka-dots. It was her design and her idea. And as much as I hate to admit it, it fits my little girl –who is coming to own her choices and responsibilities in life. This is her room and her colors and she is doing a lot of the work.
There is a huge difference between the seven year old little girl who delighted in the kitty cat boarder and fourteen year old young women with a distinctive flair and color palate. And there is a huge difference in how a father needs to relate to the young woman as opposed to the little girl.
· I am learning how to back off and yet remain close.
· I am learning to not give advice I know she needs – until she asks for it.
· I am learning new negotiation skills.
· I am learning how out of date I am.
· And I am even learning text speak.
I imagine in another year or two I will be able to write another blog about this continual change process with both my son and my daughter.
It still amazes me how they make you pass a test to drive a car, but will send you home from the hospital -with a real human- with no real training. From the looks of it on the job training will never end in this parenting journey.
Peace,
Leon
