The Hospital Visit

Somehow my beautiful daughter has an extra pathway, an extra pathway in the heart. That means there are those times when the electrical impulses in her heart start looping on a closed circuit. I have seen her standing absolutely still and her heart rate was around 250 bpm.

Needless to say it is a frightening thing. Immediately I wonder if she has inherited my gene for Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy? If so, such a heart rate could be deadly. My defibrillator is set to go off at 150 bpm. Well so far there is no evidence that she does have my gene, but soon we will know for sure with DNA testing.

This morning I saw my beautiful daughter hooked up to an IV and be carted off to have the Dr. find this extra pathway and then to eliminate it. She was brave. I acted all cheerful, but inside you always wonder if it will go with the statistics this time or will this be the one in a hundred where something goes wrong? She talked about how it felt to be the one in the hospital bed. She said, “Always before I was visiting others. There was grandma, grandpa, cousins being born, and of course first mom when she was sick.” First mom died almost 10 years ago when my daughter was four. (See my post entitled Today I Remember for more on that story). She continued, “This time it is my turn.” She held my hand. She gave me instructions to call her friends as soon as they got home from school. She looked up at me and said, “Dad. You can blog about this if you want.” She is quite the trooper.

I think back to the drive up here at 6 a.m. We discussed politics, books she has read, racism, history…it was such fun. I was reminded that my daughter is becoming a young woman. She said, “Wow. We started out talking about my heart procedure and wound up talking about history and Thomas Jefferson.” Inside I am hoping that our wide-ranging chat has calmed her nerves.

So here I sit. Waiting…wondering…tired (been up since 4 a.m.)…bored. I am just a little bit peeved that Hershey Medical Center does not have a way for people to get on with a wireless connection. I guess walking all over the hospital trying to find a place to log on was a good way to pass the time. Finally I discovered the library where they take your license and sit you down at one of their computers. Of course there are no bookmarks and I had to remember how to get to what.

But I will wait. I will wait however long I have to wait. When she wakes up I will be there. When she throws up I will try to be with her. I don’t do well in that department. When she is ready to eat something I will feed her. She once asked me, “Will you be there the whole time?” What a responsibility I have. What an honor.  It is still my responsibility to care for her like a small child; to make her feel safe. She is 14 and I am not as obviously needed any more. Someday she will head out into the world and discover its joys, achievements, disappointments, and pain. I have been entrusted to prepare her for that (along with her mom of course).

Speaking of mom. She awoke this morning with a fever and severe stomach ache. What was supposed to be a two with one setup rapidly became a one to one date.

So I wait.

Peace,

Leon